i woke up from a stupor recently. it had been going on for quite some time. when i did wake up i thought: wow. i've missed out.
now i feel the joints i feel the creaky bones i even feel the heat hurt happiness slowly suffusing the heart - or whatever it is in the chest that makes you feel. i feel the elation i feel the distress.
distress. there's the rub.
venture out of the controlled envt, and you live.
to live. to have a heart that beats like a metronome. but more importantly. to have feeling wrap itself around the sinewy muscles squeezing blood all the way to your kidneys to your toes and take over your robotic machinations. feelings can make your norepinephrine squirm out of hiding and beat the drums out of your galloping heart. they can make it stop too. forever. and ever and ever and ever. i want to lock feeling and keep it out of my voice my eyes my clenching fist under the mahogany table. but discerning people have discerning ears and discerning eyes. Feeling infiltrates and is transmitted.
dogs can smell fear. so can the human brain.