self-talk

for the first time in my life, i'm at peace with myself. i'm even at peace with the restlessness, i've sort of accepted that it's just part of me, the part that will never rest. the driving helped. the one and a half hours on the fat road, forced to be with myself. i used to drown my thoughts out with NPR for the longest time, but now i shuffle the playlist and listen to those budding mental conversations. sometimes they make sense, other times they jump all over, skidding to a halt when i have to stop and fill gas (usually the thought of filling gas and how annoying the interruption is drives out all other thoughts). but listening to the thoughts, instead of banishing them to some deep realm in my brain, has really helped. i know this sounds nuttish but i have come to the realisation that i'd been deaf to myself for the longest time.