goodbyes

i hate saying goodbye.
i prefer to walk away with the pretense that tomorrow is just another today.
there is nothing good about byes anyway and some grossly mistaken english literato has coined the biggest misnomer of all time.
i've been goodbying my patients for a few months and it is peculiar that the moment this bond is about to break forever there is this inevitable tug to strengthen it
that one moment when i inform them they will be seen by someone else upon their return, (most) show a fleeting element of panic and insecurity. quickly replaced by affection and curiosity.
now they can ask about me
about my future whereabouts/engagements/career plans.
the situation equalizes and we form a tacit alliance; now it's an exchange of advice and not just a downpour of recommendations from the doctor (who is 0.000something of their age)
we become human, almost friends
we wish each other the warmest wishes genuinely (and i reinforce the need for them to stop smoking, usually)
the clock stops for a timeless moment while we wonder why we never really talked until this moment
while i realize that this person, not patient, was there all along
while they realize that i exist outside these pristine walls and do have a character (multiflawed too)
the room which had been wallowing in awkwardness and icy formality is bubbling with jovial warmth, spurting from this newfoundland
and then the handshake
suddenly it has ended
this stranger who shared his life with me in brief intermittent encounters over the years, who bared his soul (and body:)), is now leaving forever. and i was just getting to know him!
the person walks out , taking with them lost opportunities, but the patient stays, neatly shelved away in my punctate staff-signed medical document of a note.