Piss Prophet

-piss prophet-

A physician who judges of the diseases of his patients solely by the inspection of their urine.

(Definition taken from The 1811 Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue, originally by Francis Grose.)

in ancient times, the piss prophet/prophetess would sit majestically in his/her square to receive people beleaguered by the 'humours'. there was one way to determine what ailed them, be it evil humours or otherwise.
the patient would stand before the piss-prophet and upon a courteous nod would taste and swallow his own urine, then like a connoisseur would utter a lengthy diatribe describing the flavour of this sterile bodily fluid. so that the piss-prophet could form a differential diagnosis and treat this particular humour.

O! To be a piss-prophet of the 12th century rather than the 21st!

(don't get me wrong i love my job but when you reach the point where you're deprived of basic human needs and functions you couldn't give a flying fudge about a phosphorus of 5 in a patient who's blind, legless and smiling at you and his dialysis machine because he's demented)