headlights

my old vaccuum cleaner was an accidental inheritance from an ex. it has long since paid its dues but remains a colossal structure that rolls on wheels and has a formidable neck and a voice equivalent to pavarotti's in the vaccuum world, but like a dying star that expands before it dies and sheds amber-ish sparks yet is grayish cold and quite useless at its center, it has more bark than bite nowadays. so rather than continue my weekly charade and parade of the ghost of my vaccuum cleaner (heavy ghost) across all various surfaces of my apartment including the spectrum of different height carpets and rough vantage points and sharp swerving corners that are left with even more dust post- than pre-vaccuum era, i decided to walmart it and buy a new one. of course it had to be a hoover since it is a truth universally acknowledged (in lebanon) that any vaccum cleaner is a hoover and vice versa by definition. hence all other brands are vaccuum-wannabes and have not been officially embraced as real vaccuum cleaners, just like tissue and kleenex, or pads and kotex for that matter. among the hoover family there are those that have been more naturally endowed than others and hover in price and attitude over those that look syndromic or have no personality, shrinking away on the bottom shelf groveling for somebody to snatch them off their wheels. i went for the one that was named after a fast plane (mach 3) - or was it a men's razor - anyway some fast and sleek instrument that grazes fuzzy surfaces. it also looked fun and so blue.
today hoover was still in box after a week of incubation in the still fresh walmart carton, and then he was unleashed onto the dusty terrain.
and upon flipping the pages of the long and winding instruction manual, i came upon a chapter entitled "headlights"
what is the world coming to?
i'm still looking for the chapter entitled "flying"