just a thought
Always, always you recede through the evenings
towards where the twilight goes erasing statues
Pablo N
Questions, questions today and it is barely 10 in the morning. I do not feel like posing some deep philos. question on this blog. I will not pose any questions but just wanted to say that I have been consumed by the questioning bug and with no answers in sight all I've been doing is coming up with more questions. Not about the world, not that today, enough of that!! About myself and things and persons relating to moi (or who were). And you know what?? I'm goddamn sick of it all! I just want to be and therefore not think!!!
Enough hesitation.
Enough going around in circles and drowning in spirals of insecurities.
Today, and on this blog, I am mad at the world.
Don't ask why and it is not one particular thing but more a series of.
But first and foremost I am mad at myself for repeating a pattern of behavior knowingly and sinking into the same sore state of mind.
Sooo, I will use this blog as my journal not to vomit out details of my personal and general life but to vent, say all the things I want to say out there, offline, and don't because I'm bogged down by the monsters of propriety and etiquette. Which are a cover up for my inability and unwillingness to displease. Which means I always aim to please (and please don't take that the wrong way, no).
Which means I can't just say what I think because there will be many a time when people will definitivement NOT BE PLEASED!
But why oh why? Why care so much about others??? And about me getting on their good side???
I want to reach this place in life where I can sit in my own skin and just be and do no matter what..
That's it; starting today, I will wade through on my own and give way only if someone is wiling to break the wave.
ONLY THEN.
Ok, time to go do acid-base stuff, bread and butter of my future.
towards where the twilight goes erasing statues
Pablo N
Questions, questions today and it is barely 10 in the morning. I do not feel like posing some deep philos. question on this blog. I will not pose any questions but just wanted to say that I have been consumed by the questioning bug and with no answers in sight all I've been doing is coming up with more questions. Not about the world, not that today, enough of that!! About myself and things and persons relating to moi (or who were). And you know what?? I'm goddamn sick of it all! I just want to be and therefore not think!!!
Enough hesitation.
Enough going around in circles and drowning in spirals of insecurities.
Today, and on this blog, I am mad at the world.
Don't ask why and it is not one particular thing but more a series of.
But first and foremost I am mad at myself for repeating a pattern of behavior knowingly and sinking into the same sore state of mind.
Sooo, I will use this blog as my journal not to vomit out details of my personal and general life but to vent, say all the things I want to say out there, offline, and don't because I'm bogged down by the monsters of propriety and etiquette. Which are a cover up for my inability and unwillingness to displease. Which means I always aim to please (and please don't take that the wrong way, no).
Which means I can't just say what I think because there will be many a time when people will definitivement NOT BE PLEASED!
But why oh why? Why care so much about others??? And about me getting on their good side???
I want to reach this place in life where I can sit in my own skin and just be and do no matter what..
That's it; starting today, I will wade through on my own and give way only if someone is wiling to break the wave.
ONLY THEN.
Ok, time to go do acid-base stuff, bread and butter of my future.
posted by rouba at
9:52 AM
3 Comments:
Rouba,
To quote Rainer Maria Rilke, "Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer."
kg
By
Anonymous, at Wednesday, February 08, 2006 3:20:00 PM
K, I loved that passage, but what if you live the question, get the answer, but lose so much in the process? I think sometimes it may be better not to live the question at all. The trick is to know which questions to live.
Glad you're keeping up with my blog!
By
rouba, at Wednesday, February 08, 2006 6:47:00 PM
r,
the point of that to me is to avoid becoming so bogged down in what you think is supposed to happen that you forget to be in the moment. same thing you said, i guess.
happy blogging,
kg
By
Anonymous, at Wednesday, February 08, 2006 8:48:00 PM
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