perspective

(picture courtesy of AS on Austrian land)

sometimes we all need a little perspective.
i wake up on a glorious sun-kissed morning and all i see are the ugly barren branches of the tree that leans on my apartment. A little red bird cocks its head and sings to deaf ears. the blue sky registers one of the dullest grays i've ever laid eyes on.
people smile in the elevator and i frown, frown their smile away. small talk in the lounge grates on my nerves (my poor nuuurves). i sit quietly, trying to read what may soon become interesting but they interrupt, disrupt, dismantle my solitude. i small talk and can hear myself talking without thinking, yet thinking that i do not want to talk.
i am outside looking down.
at my self that has been coerced so politely, so gingerly, and dragged into the light. from the shadows i see myself straining a response, an exclamation, a muffled sound of delight that will mirror well into their expectant eyes.
i can feel time stretch and yawn, and stretch again. i wish to reenter myself, to be myself, but they are there, relentless. i watch my talking self and wonder if i am alone in my tortuous thoughts. I wonder if i am the only watcher. the only being aware of being.
i affect a smile, i nod, i chuckle, i even swear appropriately. i am completely disinterested and beginning to tire from the strain. i turn irritable and hmmmm my words and slur my gestures. there is a time and place for everything and today is neither time nor place enough for me to partake willingly in purposeless wittiless social verbosity. i want to unfurl my twitching limbs onto the fading green sofa and drown into the book. retire into the shadows.
the door opens. i hear a voice of rich timbre. i am jolted violently back into myself! the room dances slowly, languorously. words swivel and swirl with suspense. i unpunish myself from the shadows and yield.
i smile.
we spar smiles.
now i am this moment, i am this voice that hovers around his voice but shies away. my own laughter rings in my ears on a carefree note. i am a blur of ideas that have surged and breathed me back into life.
life!
brilliant hues and intonations sweep me away onto a glistening path.