The dating game
In lebanon there's no such thing. The guy likes you, calls and asks you out, either it clicks or it doesn't, you know then and there, yen and yang. And if you don't you can ask. And you're the girlfriend suddenly and early. Or not.
Now here in the US of A (or Canada, ok, L?) it's a game and there are rules! And you have to be smart enough to guess them! Guy calls for first date; parting words at the end of the date are very telling, but you're often left with just a bye or i'll call you sometime....Now wait a minute you what do you mean bye, bye i didn't like you so that's it or bye i'll see you. and what's with the i'll call you sometime -SOMETIME??!! tomorrow, in 1 year, 10??? Arrogance arrogance. A day or 2 pass, you're wondering if he's gonna call, and if it's alright for you to call. But you don't want to be pushy because of the big WHAT IF's. What if he didn't like me, what if he was just being polite, what if here in the states he'll call but not right away. What if what if and just when you decide you're banishing him to nothingland ooh phone ringing and guess what?? His majesty calls! You feign indifference, pretend he's an afterthought and that you've been very very busy (you were busy wondering about him afterall!), agree on a second date with some reluctance (and you're about to jump out from the phone you sneaky one)and your mind is at ease. Second date goes ok, again, mixed signals and sooooo stressful trying to impress him while pretending you're doing him a favor by gracing him with your precious popular presence. Try not to trip while walking, ok? Parting words may have progressed now to a higher level with maybe a how about doing this on tuesday? BUT MAYBE NOT! And here we go AGAIN!!!
It is nuts. Now the girl may call if he doesn't call as he may be testing you to see if you're interested. But what if you don't call, then what? He'll wait forever and ever? That is truly and utterly NUTS!!
The 3rd date occurs, somehow, and then.... What's the status quo?? Dating? seeing each other? going out with? when does it become exclusive? And when do we become-lo and behold- the girlfriend???
There's actually a book out there called 'Dating for Dummies' and i actually know someone who BOUGHT IT and read it and used it. It got him a few dates, but he's not any brighter when it comes to relationships. And why oh why the waste of time and stupid doctrines? Cut to the chase. Decrease the stress and make it more fun!
And yes, i think the girl (to all you independent and strong and wise women of the world-yes you know yourself wlee-)can accelerate the process and make the moves... Sooo what??? Nothing lost, and you gain time, aaand you show you're confident enough to do it. if you're carrie bradshaw.
in the real world, i can't do it. i want to be wooed and pursued and complimented even while i'm wearing my cow print pajamas (they're cute, ok??) and my glasses. No daily/BID/TID phonecalls/visits - eh laaaa... teezi!!!!
Now here in the US of A (or Canada, ok, L?) it's a game and there are rules! And you have to be smart enough to guess them! Guy calls for first date; parting words at the end of the date are very telling, but you're often left with just a bye or i'll call you sometime....Now wait a minute you what do you mean bye, bye i didn't like you so that's it or bye i'll see you. and what's with the i'll call you sometime -SOMETIME??!! tomorrow, in 1 year, 10??? Arrogance arrogance. A day or 2 pass, you're wondering if he's gonna call, and if it's alright for you to call. But you don't want to be pushy because of the big WHAT IF's. What if he didn't like me, what if he was just being polite, what if here in the states he'll call but not right away. What if what if and just when you decide you're banishing him to nothingland ooh phone ringing and guess what?? His majesty calls! You feign indifference, pretend he's an afterthought and that you've been very very busy (you were busy wondering about him afterall!), agree on a second date with some reluctance (and you're about to jump out from the phone you sneaky one)and your mind is at ease. Second date goes ok, again, mixed signals and sooooo stressful trying to impress him while pretending you're doing him a favor by gracing him with your precious popular presence. Try not to trip while walking, ok? Parting words may have progressed now to a higher level with maybe a how about doing this on tuesday? BUT MAYBE NOT! And here we go AGAIN!!!
It is nuts. Now the girl may call if he doesn't call as he may be testing you to see if you're interested. But what if you don't call, then what? He'll wait forever and ever? That is truly and utterly NUTS!!
The 3rd date occurs, somehow, and then.... What's the status quo?? Dating? seeing each other? going out with? when does it become exclusive? And when do we become-lo and behold- the girlfriend???
There's actually a book out there called 'Dating for Dummies' and i actually know someone who BOUGHT IT and read it and used it. It got him a few dates, but he's not any brighter when it comes to relationships. And why oh why the waste of time and stupid doctrines? Cut to the chase. Decrease the stress and make it more fun!
And yes, i think the girl (to all you independent and strong and wise women of the world-yes you know yourself wlee-)can accelerate the process and make the moves... Sooo what??? Nothing lost, and you gain time, aaand you show you're confident enough to do it. if you're carrie bradshaw.
in the real world, i can't do it. i want to be wooed and pursued and complimented even while i'm wearing my cow print pajamas (they're cute, ok??) and my glasses. No daily/BID/TID phonecalls/visits - eh laaaa... teezi!!!!
posted by rouba at
6:06 PM
4 Comments:
One sure and sorry consequence of the bra burning movements of the 60s has been the perpetual confusion in the minds of most women since then ... between asserting their independence “Carrie Bradshaw style" (jeez, CANT stand that woman and her put-on New Yorker style ... most of my New Yorker girlfriends are so much more natural, n'cest pas..!) and having men act like old style chivalrous men, like ‘they used to be’ ....
sadly, dudette, you belong to this category!
PS: pleez plees don’t tell me that you’re a Carrie Bradshaw fan – that woman is as much a ‘modern woman’ as those pretentious homos that appear on the Queer Eye show .... aka the ONLy way to act as a gay guy is to flail your arms like a headless chicken and yap like an adolescent girl … PLEAZZZZZEE ....
XY.
By
Anonymous, at Monday, February 13, 2006 5:30:00 PM
Anonymous, soooo happy you're visiting my blog but do try and make more sense next time, will you? and why all the anger??
And what is the modern woman anyway? And the gay man? You are a victim of your own garbled argument, i'm afraid, as you, my dear anon, are as much a stereotyper as those shows you're quoting... n'est-ce pas? (FYI this is the correct spelling).
Being an XY yourself (yet connoisseur of newyorkan XX's at that (!)) you may not appreciate chivalry but believe me, any woman would - modern, aged, dependent or independent, even newyork XX's.
Maybe you should try it!
NB PLEAAAZZZE don't categorize me... and i'm no fan of carrie or anyone else, but i doooo so love her outfits, don't you??
By
rouba, at Monday, February 13, 2006 9:08:00 PM
anonymous,
first of all, it seems ur far to familiar with the "Bradshaw generation", have you even missed an episode? you must agree that her style in clothing is extraordinary, or do your imaginary "NY girlfriends" tell you otherwise?
second of all, you also seem to have analyzed the Queer Eye very well, so it's alright, it's not the 60s anymore, you may come out of the closet!
and who were you addressing anyway, you forgot to mention that while breaking the record for spelling errors..
By
Laila K, at Monday, February 13, 2006 9:18:00 PM
R,
The book is Guerrila Dating Tactics. Other than that, you're right about it not teaching me much. Books can provide a great deal of wisdom, but they can also be shelters of escapism. That is, one can try to use the knowledge you gain be reading them, or one can simply possess the knowledge. If one only possesses the knowledge, it is, of course, useless, and sometimes damaging.
Anyway, I wish you didn't have reason to have written this post, but you do.
One bit of blogging-related knowledge I can give you, though, is with regards to anonymous, he of the not-so-snappy social commentary and not-so-repressed anger. He is what is known on some blogs as a "troll," someone who participates in the comments with the sole purpose of derailing the discussion or just poisoning it beyond rescue. The best course of action when dealing with such creatures is to ignore them, unless they become frankly obscene, in which case I think you can delete them.
By
Anonymous, at Sunday, February 26, 2006 6:32:00 PM
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