i want to be free of the past. free of the idea of the past. i don't want it to be part of me anymore and yet part of me clings to it. why? why do i remember the good times and not the horrible times? i remember tenderness, laughter, silliness. splashing the sea. lost without maps. eyes dancing little jokes. feeling at home. feeling complete. i remember feelings so strong they were painful.

but i also remember two stubborn minds clashing endlessly. two very different catastrophic minds. burning turmoil. consuming rage. selfish pride. claustrophobia. times of no control. times we could not be apart.
but we were on different sides of a precipice and neither one of us wanted the other side
after the anger, the pain, the void, the physical tear, after the vows of vengeance and the rain, after the endless nights of torment, i can look back without the clouds in my soul, look back at myself and at you, and see that we would have brought each other down.
two immature beings struggling with feelings they could not grasp.
i see that we were both wrong, and not just you.
that i've made terrible mistakes with and towards you.
but that in the end, i am happier with myself without you.
i can finally look back, picture you in my mind, take a deep breath, and forgive.
and wish you the best, like you once did.